basically because there’s nothing to rant about. yeah any love life that somewhat exsisted in my life has transformed into a massive tumbleweed blowing across a deserted unloved prarie. i havent talked to him in about two weeks, and its killing me. like i thought i was able to deal with it, i mean ive finally just come to my own assumption and own conclusion that hes with belugs plain and simple. if i see her truck at his house, before it was as though someone ran over my heart with a herd of elephants and i was instantly pissed and wanted to cut the bitch, welll i still wanna cut the bitch but its kinda just expected now. im not shocked, im not sad, im just like oh, emotionless i guess would be an appropriate adjective.

and just to rub the fact that im forever alone in my face my best friend is now talking with this kid [who happens to be my other best friends ex boyfriend……yeah it is that awkward] but literally its like watching everything i felt and the happiness of talking to him all the time, the texts that you read over and over again cause you cant believe they actually said that, the agonizing debate of choosing the perfect outfit when youre going to hang out with them, the feeling of fallin for someone. i ean im not a cold hearted cunt, im happy for her, and i love seeing her this happy, i just wish i could see myself being that happy again.

so just when i thought i was getting over it, i realzied im just shoving it to the side and ignoring it trying to pretend that im okay when in reality m anythig but. the guy of my dreams, the guy i was so close to calling my own is now with my arch enemy……trying to move past that and trying not to care is the biggest joke of my life. i mean i havent seen him in over two weeks well i have but for two seconds and he didnt even see me. basically i was on one side of the highway, he was on the other, i was screamign like a psycho at the slow ass bitch in front of me and i dramatically change lanes only to see him stoppped at the light right next to me. thank god he was changing the song on his ipod so hopefully he didnt bear witness to my bitchfit but in that two second glimpse i caught my heart dropped, my stomach turned and instantly i started smiling against my will. only him…

yet even though my life seems to be going to shit, there was one thing that made this whole shitwrecked thing somewhat better. basically whatshisname broke up with his gf [the one before all of this shit occured] because he thought she was cheating on him with this one kid that he absolutely hates. basically that kid is his belugs to me. well……now his ex and that kid are going out, and hes pissed beyond belief and it makes me fucking happy cause its karma. now you know how much it sucks to watch someone you truly care aout be with someone whos completely wrong for them and that you completely hate.

so my plan for the future? well i used to think that the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was actually true but in this situation it seems like ‘out of sight out of mind’ is more appropriate. SO ive decided to change that. since i barely ever see whatshisname in person, ill have to take to the internet, more specifically facebook. now my account is currently not active, well it hasnt been for like a year now. yes im aware im proabably the only teenager or better yet person who doent have one but ive had my reasons. anyway, tommorrow im bringing it back to kinda flaunt in his face, and remind him that i exsist.

and if all else fails, well i guess i can just aspire to be a cat lady and live a happy feline life</3